More about the Sucky Monster: this is the monster that has grown in and from my body, from every organ, appendage, vessell, even the air I breath. This huge, intense, invisible monster lives within me and has taken over my body. I never gave him permission to visit, much less an invitation to stay. I am told it began in my brain, wrapping and intertwining itself through the brainstem. Once it had its base solidly planted, it slowly took over my body.
Many years ago, my younger brother, Buddy, had a terrible fear of heights. Being the only boy for some time, Daddy would push him to do things to try to overcome his fears. The high slides at fairs, roller coasters, mountains; Buddy just became more convinced that the "Sucky Monster" was going to suck him down- he could feel it pulling on his shaking legs. It was very, very real for him.
The other day, as I was fighting to stay on my feet long enough to make it 5 feet to the bed without losing consciousness, I suddenly understood who the Sucky Monster is. He is the monster who is under my feet emptying my body of blood so rapidly I could not stop him, I can hear him laughing 'I win again". I am panting for breath and feeling my heartbound and race in my chest to compensate for the lack of blood to my heart and brain. He is Invisible too- but I can see him. I know him. And someday, with God's help, we will tame and cage this monster.
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